


Resentment

by Cristinuke



Series: Nightmares [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-05-09 20:43:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5554688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cristinuke/pseuds/Cristinuke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky wakes up angry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Resentment

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry it's taken me forever to update. My old laptop died, and getting a new one was a mess. And then I started my job and Master's, and excuse, excuse, excuse. Hopefully I can get in the next installments within a reasonable time. Until then, enjoy!

Steve woke up to Bucky's flailing arm smacking him across his face.

Luckily, it was his flesh arm, not his metal, but it still was a rather rude awakening, in the general scheme of things.

Steve's annoyance at having to rub at his throbbing nose quickly dissipated once he realized the reason for Bucky's flailing; he was having another nightmare. And this one seemed a bit more violent than others, at least with the way that Bucky kept moving, shifting from side to side and kicking the sheets down and off the bed. Steve sat up on the bed, and hissed when he didn’t move away fast enough from a rather vicious kick.

“Bucky.” Steve called out, leaning away when another arm came swinging near his face. Bucky growled and tossed, the movement jerky and awkward with sleep. Steve instinctually pulled back and settled into a low defensive posture to avoid any further flailing limbs before calling out louder, “Bucky!”

Bucky’s eyes snapped open, and Steve had enough time to recognize his mistake of body positioning when he realized that it was the Winter Soldier staring back at him.

“Bucky?” Steve tried, knowing the attempt was futile.

Bucky’s eyes narrowed, and it was clear that his first instinct was to fight, recognizing Steve as the enemy. Steve hesitated just long enough for Bucky to tackle him off of the bed, breath punched out of him as they collided with the dresser by the bed. Arms came swinging, aiming for Steve’s head, but Steve managed to roll over and duck the attack, kicking out at Bucky’s leg at the same time to unbalance him. Bucky snarled, pupils dilating, and rounded on Steve, only to be thrown against the wall when Steve used his own momentum to deflect him.

“Bucky, listen to me, you’re in Avengers Tower, and you’re-” Steve got cut off as a chair got thrown at his head. The distraction was enough to allow Bucky to charge at him, pick him up and slam him down on the table they have in the corner.

“Buck, wait!” Steve tried, throwing up his arms to block a barrage of punches. Bucky was breathing harshly, and in the back of his head, Steve noticed his fighting style was really off, very unlike the way he usually fights. He didn’t have enough time to figure out why, taking the opportunity to strike out and unbalance Bucky again when Bucky faltered for a second too long. Steve scrambled away, trying to put the bed between the two of them.

“Bucky, we’re in New York. I’m Steve, I’m your friend, we rescued you, you’re not with HYDRA anymore-” Steve got cut off again as Bucky charged him, leaping over the bed and landing on Steve awkwardly, sending them both to the floor. Steve felt his ankle twist sharply, but it wasn’t enough to keep him from turning around and flipping Bucky over him. Bucky grunted as his back made contact with the ground, and hissed angrily when Steve pinned him down, body weight working with gravity to keep him down for a moment.

“It’s me, Steve. I’m your friend, I won’t hurt you.” Steve tried again.

“Liar!” Bucky snarled viciously, and head-butted Steve.

The impact stunned Steve enough to let Bucky get the upper hand, flipping themselves over so that Bucky was pinning Steve down.

“Buck-” Steve was cut off by Bucky wrapping his hands around Steve’s throat, effectively choking him and crushing his windpipe. Steve tried to push Bucky off, but he had no advantage, spots starting to color his vision. His mouth formed the words to beg Bucky, but no sound escaped except for awful choking noises that soon also quieted.

Steve had one last idea as he struggled and writhed. He forced his body limp, arms coming down rest passively on the floor, and legs stilling. He noticed how Bucky’s face immediately scrunched up in confusion at the lax way Steve was laying there, still conscious and letting himself be choked.

Bucky’s hands lost some of their tension, and Steve drew in a raspy breath of air that immediately got cut off as soon as Bucky realized what he’d done. “Fight back!” Bucky snarled, doubling down and pushing harder.

Steve could feel his throat constricting under the pressure, but he stubbornly held on enough to minutely shake his head from side to side, surprised when Bucky relaxed enough to allow the slight movement.

Though darkened vision, Steve saw Bucky’s expression get more pinched, his drive quickly fading even as he yelled at Steve’s face, “Fight back! You have to fight back!”

As his peripherals blackened, Steve forced himself to hang on as he shook his head again, lips mouthing the word, ‘no’.

Abruptly, Bucky’s face crumpled and he let go of Steve, scrambling backwards across the room until his back hit the wall. Steve still couldn’t get a breath in, head spinning and mouth desperately opening and closing uselessly, until he suddenly felt his lungs expand.

Breathing became the most painful thing for the next few minutes that Steve was aware of; his throat burned as he coughed uncontrollably, sucking in wheezes of a breath only to hack it out again. He curled up onto his side and clutched at his stomach, his abdomen cramping with how forceful his coughing was.

When he finally managed a steady enough pattern of inhaling and exhaling air, Steve opened his eyes and looked around as he consciously relaxed his overtaxed muscles. When his gaze landed on Bucky, several feet away, Steve cursed at himself for not having thought of Bucky sooner, when he saw the full-blown panic Bucky was spiraling himself into.

“Buh-” Steve tried to grit out, but it just threw him into another series of hacking coughs that burned through him.

Bucky was staring at Steve with wild eyes, tears silently tracking down his face that he seemed to be unaware of. His mouth was dropped open as he surpassed Steve’s frantic breathing, tipping over into hyperventilation.

Steve tried again to say his name, but it came out barely even a whisper. Instead, Steve planted his hands on the ground and pushed himself upwards. He felt his arms shake unsteadily, and he quickly dismissed the idea of getting up, opting to crawl instead. With each harsh breath, Steve hauled himself along the floor, still desperately trying to call out Bucky’s name.

Bucky, for his part, seemed to be getting more and more panicked, terror shining in his eyes. As Steve inched closer, Bucky brought his hands up to his head and started pulling at his hair, fingers getting caught in the strands and yanking them out jerkily.

“Buck,” Steve managed hoarsely, crawling closer, “stop.” His voice was nearly silent, but Bucky stilled for a moment. The moment ended as soon as Steve dragged himself along again.

Steve was close enough to see that the left side of Bucky’s neck was dripping red with blood from where his metal hand was digging too hard into his head.

“Bucky.” Steve forced out. He pushed himself the last couple of feet, and levered himself up. Bucky was still ripping at his hair when Steve finally reached him and brought his hands up to encircle Bucky’s wrists.

As soon as Bucky accepted Steve’s control, he broke down into unintelligible sobs.

“It’s not your fault. Bucky, it’s not your fault.” Steve whispered, pulling Bucky into his arms. He understood some of the words that Bucky was managing to get out, but Steve was having none of it.

“Bucky, it wasn’t you. You stopped. _You stopped_.”

Bucky shook his head, clearly not believing a word Steve said, so Steve pushed Bucky up and pulled his head in to kiss him. It had the effect Steve had hoped for, with Bucky freezing. Steve broke the kiss and then gave him another quick peck, breathing, “It wasn’t your fault.”

Steve felt Bucky shudder against him as the tension broke. He folded into Steve, letting his head drop onto Steve’s shoulder as he exhaled a shaky breath. He was still crying, but he wasn’t arguing with Steve anymore.

Steve knew that Bucky was still blaming himself and hating himself with a passion for having lost control, but he’d take this battle, and work on the war later.

He held onto Bucky as he calmed down, the adrenaline from the fight slowly dissipating now that there was nothing to keep it going. When he felt Bucky going heavy on him, Steve whispered, “Come back to bed with me.”

Bucky nodded drowsily against Steve’s shoulder, and Steve realized how little sleep they’d actually gotten; it wasn’t near morning, and they’d been up for well over 48 hours previously on a long mission that had exhausted them both. No wonder Bucky was still on edge.

Steve was still on edge himself, if he was really thinking about it. But he didn’t want to think about it anymore tonight, so he concentrated instead on steadying the both of them on their feet so that they could make their way across the completely trashed room to their bed. He felt a brief pang of guilt, but pushed it aside for a later moment.

Slowly, he lowered Bucky onto the bed, where Bucky curled in on himself instinctively. Steve got in on the other side, setting his weight down gingerly as bruises and aches began to make themselves known. Steve wished for a glass of water, but he was too tired to get back up and get one, so he laid down instead, turning to face Bucky. After a couple of moments, Steve let out a slightly exasperated sigh and pulled Bucky in close when he kept his distance at first. Bucky couldn’t even tense up again with how tired he was, and instead allowed himself to be manhandled into Steve’s embrace, bringing his hand up to curl his fingers into Steve’s torn shirt.

“It wasn’t your fault.” Steve whispered into Bucky’s hair as they both drifted back to sleep.   

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are my life.


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